How can we learn to forgive?

Question:How can we learn to forgive those who have deeply hurt us? How can we learn to have Heavenly Father's helping hand and blessing to forgive those, and will Heavenly Father forgive us for not first forgiving those who've deeply hurt us?

Answer: What a great question. Let me start from the back end. Will Heavenly Father forgive us for not first forgiving others? We are all works in progress. I don’t know of anyone who has ‘arrived’ at perfection. If, at any given time while we are mortals, Heavenly Father passed final judgment on us, we would all be condemned. I am heartened by a statement that Joseph Smith and Sidney Rigdon said about those people in the Celestial Kingdom . In D&C 76:60 they recorded: “And they shall overcome all things.” If I understand it correctly, “shall” means a condition or state that does not currently exist but will some time in the future. Does that really mean that those in the Celestial Kingdom are still in the process of “overcoming all things?” If they are there and we are still working towards getting there, then doesn’t it seem reasonable to believe that Heavenly Father will allow us sufficient time to “overcome all things” before the door is closed on eternal progression?
I hope I haven’t given you the impression that you can put off indefinitely the process of perfecting yourself. That would be a huge mistake. It is so much easier to conform to the principles of eternal life while our bodies and spirits are together rather than waiting until we are dead with the idea that we will repent then. While it is true that there is repentance after death (see D&C 138:58-59), you will also note in those two verses that there is an element of “paying” for their sins that can be avoided if we “practice virtue and holiness before me”. Here are two verses that may point us in the right direction: D&C 38:24: “And let every man esteem his brother as himself, and practise virtue and holiness before me.” D&C 46:33: “And ye must practise virtue and holiness before me continually. Even so. Amen.” I suppose the Lord is saying “practice” because that is something we do over and over again in order to become expert in doing it. Like paying basketball—we practice the shots over and over again until we can hit the basket a majority of the time with absolute accuracy. However, “practice” also means a profession or career. That is like a doctor who “practices” medicine. It is a lifelong quest.
So how to you go about forgiving those who have hurt you deeply—by practice! Start by doing what the Lord said in D&C 64:9-11: “Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin.
I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.
And ye ought to say in your hearts--let God judge between me and thee, and reward thee according to thy deeds.”
Not only does the Lord command us to forgive, but He tells us how. We ought to say in our hearts—Let God judge between thee and me and reward thee according to thy deeds.” In other words, “I refuse to try to fill God’s role as judge. I believe that God is fair and just. He will balance the eternal scales of justice to my perfect satisfaction. But for right now, I have a life to live and an exaltation to gain—I’m out of here.” Why would you give those who have deeply hurt you the power to continue to hurt you after the event is over? By your constantly mulling over in your mind the wrongs that have been done to you and allowing the devil to mess with your mind in figuring out how to get even, you are retarding your own spiritual progress. So someone wronged you, which was painful and not pleasant to go through. Then the wrong was over. At that point you are in a position to take control. You can either let the wrong continue to eat away at you, destroying your peace, occupying your mind, sapping your mental energy, etc. or you can choose to let it go and move on knowing full well that even if they “get away” with it here in mortality, there is an eternal judge who they cannot deceive.
You might say: That is easier said than done! And you are correct. However note what Apostle Paul said in his counsel to overcome past wrongs. In Philippians 3:13-14 he wrote: “Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.” Paul was a real “abuser” but once he got headed in the right direction there was no looking back. What great counsel for all of us. Leave the past in the past. Learn what lessons we can from what we did and what was done to us, and then move ahead. For your further benefit read carefully D&C 98:1-3 especially noting in verse 1: “Rejoice evermore and in EVERYTHING give thanks” (which would include the bad things that happen to us), and in verse 3 “all things wherewith you have been afflicted shall work together for your good (that is here in mortality) and for my names glory (remember, His work and His glory is to exalt you—see Moses 1:39).”
I guess it really boils down to your trust that God is a just God. If you believe that, then whether someone gets what they deserve here in mortality or whether the payment has to be made in the next life, really doesn’t make any difference. Over the many years I have lived I have come to see the devastating impact that refusing to forgive has on people. It really doesn’t matter what has happened to you. You are powerless to go back and un-do the wrong. It is totally within your power to drop your burden at the feet of the Savior and move ahead. Does that take time and “practice” to do? Yes. Is it worth the effort? Absolutely. Good luck in applying one of the most Christ-like of all virtues. How many of the wrongs that were heaped upon the Savior did He really deserve? None of them! But almost His last word from the cross was “Father forgive. . .” If He offers us peace by following His example, then isn’t today a wonderful time to draw a line in the sand and move on leaving all of your hurt feelings, grudges, feelings of revenge, etc. behind the line?

Bro. Bott