Answer: Great question. Godly sorrow is what you are looking for. In 2 Cor 7:10, Paul wrote: “For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.” Too often we mistakenly think that the “sorrow of the world” (i.e. I feel so bad because I got caught) is godly sorrow. That isn’t true. If you are only concerned about the physical or earthly consequences of your sin, then you have a ways to go before forgiveness and restoration of the Spirit is available to you.
Not that you are anywhere close to being one, but the sons of perdition know they are destined to outer darkness forever, but have no incentive to repent—because they have none of the Spirit of the Lord with them. The “godly sorrow” comes when the Spirit illuminates your mind and shows you the detrimental impact, now and in the future, of your sin. When you see that “no unclean thing can dwell in the presence of God” and that the only way you can be cleansed from your sin is by your faith in Christ, which triggers real repentance, and then baptism (which for you, if you are already a baptized member of the Church would be worthily partaking of the sacrament). Following which the Holy Ghost comes back into your life signalizing to you that you have repented sufficiently and fulfilled all of the requirements of the Lord in order to trigger the Atonement in washing away all of your sins.
I suspect your lack of remorse could be caused by a lack of understanding of the gravity of what you have done wrong. If your sin was sexual in nature, then un-repented of (which likely will not happen because sooner or later you’ll get the understanding necessary to motivate you to repent) would result in your not making the highest degree of the Celestial Kingdom. That would mean that you would live separately and singly (not married) for all eternity as a servant rather than achieving the high priesthood office of a God (see D&C 132:15-17).
Why are you having trouble feeling sorry? That answer is fairly easy. You may recall the great war in heaven fought before we came to earth (at least we have been taught about it, even if we can’t remember it). Satan and a third part of the hosts of heaven were cast out. His original plan was rejected because it never could have worked. He wanted to “redeem all mankind that not one soul should be lost” (see Moses 4:1). In exchange he wanted to dethrone God and take over God’s position. His flawed plan was rejected. Often we think his plan was to “force us to do good.” When has the devil ever forced you to do good? His plan was rewards with no effort, actions with no consequences, exaltation without obedience.
When he was kicked out of heaven, he was cast down to the earth (see Revelation 12:4-12). The war didn’t end—just the battlefield changed. Five times in the scriptures Satan is called “the enemy to all righteousness.” So when you or anyone else tries to keep the commandments, do anything that will propel you towards exaltation, or make you a better person, what must you expect? Satanic opposition. He is a seasoned master at whispering in your ears that we should “eat, drink, and be merry” and even if we are guilty God will beat us with a few stripes but in the end all will be well with us (see 2 Nephi 28—you’ll want to read the full chapter). Then Nephi calls that vain and foolish doctrine. So rather than saving or redeeming all mankind, once rejected Satan changes his stated objectives. Now he wants to blind, deceive, and lead captive (see Moses 4:4), he wants to destroy mankind (see Moses 4:6) and he wants to make all men miserable like unto himself (see 2 Nephi 2:18, 27).
If you want to get the gift of Godly sorrow, I would suggest you start a regular scripture study program. It doesn’t take too many chapters before you see someone who has committed the same (or similar) sins that you have. Many times you read about their unwillingness to repent and by the end of the chapter you see what happened to them (see Alma 30 with Korhior the Anti-Christ as a prime example). Knowing that God isn’t going to turn a blind eye to sin and that we will either have to repent or suffer for our sins gives me a great incentive to repent. You might want to read D&C 19 and see how Christ described the intensity of the suffering that He went through to pay for our sins and then warns us that unless we repent, we must suffer “even as I which suffering caused myself, even God, the Greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, to bleed at every pore, to suffer both body and spirit”—doesn’t sound like something I would like to go through.
The more you ponder and pray about these issues, the more a kind and loving Heavenly Father will help you gain the desire to repent. You might ask:” If He is so kind and wise, why would He threaten me with that kind of suffering?” The reason is that He is not only a merciful God but He is also a just God. Mercy cannot rob justice (read Alma 42). I just can’t find an end to the scriptures which motivate us to repent. So once you start praying multiple times each day, reading the scriptures every day, and living in a way that the Spirit can touch your soul, then the remorse you desire will come like a freight train and you’ll shudder at the thoughts of ever considering not repenting.
I hope this helps you a little. I can tell you from my own personal experience and the experience of thousands of students over the years, that once the Atonement enlightens your soul, you will marvel that you were in the darkened room and didn’t even realize it. Once that burden of sin is lifted off your soul and you see the marvelous light that you have been depriving yourself of, you will kick yourself that you waited so long to repent. Good luck in your quest to get back into the light.
Bro. Bott
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